so i think it’s going to be ok … i’m feeling alright these days.  that’s all.

so the medicine … forever?

i know it’s the right thing … but my god, every day? forever? 

obviously i feel better and the voices aren’t screaming and the horrible depression is no longer so unrelenting and every day feels good again

but the medicine?  … forever?  there’s got to be another answer — though i’m sure there is not.

i just want to be able to tell her what it’s like … for her to understand this fucked-up other-world i live in that is not the same as the real world and how hard it is to act like a real person.  but i can’t put it into words.  even when things are good .. when the psychosis is under control and the depression isn’t totally killing me every day … it’s just so fucking hard to … to just be. 

chicks

thank god .. i’ve lost 15 pounds.

ok, so after my little temper tantrum on my last post … i’m feeling a little bit better.

however, now i’m covered in hives!  why do i keep getting them?  i get that it’s stress related, but man is this getting old.  so now i’m hopped up on benadryl and itch cream and trying not to scratch anything.   ugh….

well, all that happy hopeful shit … and i’m feeling down today.  hope it’s just a bump in the road.

thank goodness … i’m finally back to my old self again (i guess) and feeling much better.  the antipsychotic has kicked in and except for a few little things here and there, the psychosis is pretty much gone.  and the antidepressant is finally starting to work — thank god.  i thought the darkness was going to last forever. 

thanks to my family for putting up with me and being so supportive.  i could not make it without them.